a simple hello

hey guys, it’s charlie.

today was a good day, i felt better and more clear than i have all week. with that being said, in my prescribed drug induced haze, i found myself scrolling for hours on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. well while doing so, i found message requests in almost all of my inboxes of people trying to connect. not to get to deep into it, but we all remember what happened the last time i was negligent enough to let some stranger into my life… a whole, whopping big UH OH!

we’re not here to talk about that though people. we’re gathered here to talk about the adonis of a human being that i attended college with. THERE THEY SAT IN MY DM REQUESTS Y’ALL! what, oh what did i do to become this lucky. well, i’ll tell you! working at the zoo does have it’s perks from time to time i suppose, because a few weeks back they saw me working in the cheetah exhibit!

this is the part that has me perplexed people, they didn’t come up and say hello because they were embarrassed! how could you, adonis of mankind, be too embarrassed to come and say hello to me? i’m not trying to toot my own horn here or anything, but i feel as though i am a very approachable person. i’m always cheesin’ and carry myself in an upbeat fashion. there is no reason on this planet to not have approached me.

any way, i stray from my point. we’ve spent the last 2 days just chatting away! turns out we have a lot more in common than either of us ever knew! which is great for the average joe that i am, nothing special, which i’m perfectly fine with. but the conversation never lapses and we never run out of things to talk about which is very nice considering the world we live in today. i think i may have something here guys. i really do. but only time will tell.

i’ll do my best to keep y’all posted. happy baby friday guys, we’re almost there!

this is where i leave you.

-charlie

songs of our soul

hi guys, it’s charlie.

is it really only tuesday? i need it to be well, next week already. i want to go back to work. i want to get back to my normal life. i hate just laying around waiting. waiting to get better. waiting for things to rumble back to life.

i know you have all been wondering how “the Joneses” are. i have been talking to them on and off all day long, and are doing very well. they made it home safe and sound, and i honestly really do miss them already.

i did something big today guys, i generally don’t tell people i write, i like the anonymity i get this way, but i told Mr. Jones i wrote about them last night, and he asked if i would allow him to read it. i sent him the link to my page, and he called me about a half an hour later. what he said to me brought tears to my eyes, he told me how proud he was. he told me that i, a person he barely knows, wrote something that he read over and over with a smile, something that he would carry with him for the rest of his life, something that reminded him that all of the little things we do in life really do add up, and truly make a difference to someone. as a beginning writer, that was the greatest compliment i have ever received.

to all of you out there reading this, don’t let the fear of failure keep you from doing the things you love. someone out there, in this big scary world, will be your biggest fan. you don’t know who, or when, or how, but you, the brilliant human you are, will change someone’s life forever. only by simply singing the song of your soul.

this is where i leave you.

-charlie

wreck-it Ralph

hey guys, charlie here again.

so yesterday started out to be a very normal, somewhat slow day. got to work, did my thing, helped some guests, and played with my favorite walrus Puck. sounds good right? well…. not so much.

while i was on my way home, SOMEONE SMASHED INTO MY CAR! my poor poor Wanda! needless to say i was pretty upset, but what upset me the most was the fact that the gentleman that hit me, backed up and drove off. how he got his car to move, i’ll never know. but there was no stopping to see if i was injured, no checking to make sure there was no damage, just gone.

now, here is my question to you. how do you knowingly hit someone and just drive away? i couldn’t, i just couldn’t fathom leaving someone i know i could have potentially injured on the side of the road. not to mention it’s very illegal to commit a hit and run crime.

no need to fear all! the extremely nice people next to me snapped pictures of the driver and his license plate and pulled over with me to make sure i was okay, and even ended up staying until the cops showed up. plot twist, they were some of the guests who i had just seen while working at the zoo and i had made it a point to walk out with them to their car so we could chat more about where they were from. crazy right?

more on this saintly couple that so graciously awarded me with almost 4 hours of their time. not only did they stay with me to help me through the whole blurred process, but the wife rode with me in the ambulance so i didn’t have to ride by myself and the son followed behind in their vehicle, while the husband stayed at the scene to make sure my car made it onto the wrecker and finished up with the authorities. as we were all sitting in my cramped little hospital room, the mother held my hand while i cried, shushing me, telling me everything would be okay. the son ran to get me food because i was starving since i hadn’t eaten all day. and boy oh boy, this is what gets the water works going folks, the father took my phone and called my whole family (my parents both work nights so they weren’t able to be there) and gave them updates every half hour or so on how i was doing, and in between all of the calls, and back and forths with everyone, he still managed to find time to just rub my head, asking quietly if i “was hangin’ in there sport?”

to these people, who barely knew me, i thank you from the absolute bottom of my heart. thank you for your time, for your care of an utter stranger, and for all of the memories you left me to cherish. thank you for treating me as your own. thank you for crying with me when the doctor came in and gave us all the news we didn’t want to hear. thank you for driving me home at midnight when i knew you had a comfy hotel bed calling your name. thank you for the gruff and very sleepy, “hey kiddo, i was just worried about you, ya hangin’ in there?” call at 6am this morning. and most importantly, thank you for delaying your departure home for a few hours just so you could sit and have dinner with my family and i. we spent hours telling stories, laughing, and planning for your next trip back.

oh, and this one’s for “the Joneses” ;D

this is where i leave you.

-charlie

adult-ing and the how-to’s

hey guys, charlie here.

it’s been so long since my last post. my life has honestly felt so weird and upside down i couldn’t even imagine writing any of it down. so today, you get a more normal, and somewhat better me.

my life the last few months has honestly just been a tumultuous, fucked up mess. it’s okay though, i learned a lot from it and i’m better for it now. but, we’re not here to talk about that today. we’re here to talk about the fact that i drunk-texted my ex of almost 2 years last night, just to find out that he’s still madly in love with me and hasn’t dated anyone since we split. how crazy is that?! tell me i’m not the only one who thinks so! please!

now i’m not saying any of this to be mean, I just don’t understand how you could dead ass spend almost 2 years of your life waiting on someone who isn’t waiting for you back. it’s cute, and sweet but holy shit is it unrealistic. that’s some The Notebook type shit.

a huge part of me does miss him, he is and has always been my best friend after all. that’s what kinda sucks about falling into that rabbit hole with the people you truly care about before you start dating. losing him, it damn near killed me. he was my absolute go-to for everything. and imagine living with your best friend for like 4 years, all the memories made, good or bad. they’re all still there. they all still hurt like hell.

so needless to say, i’m very confounded over this whole situation. someone please tell me how this is supposed to go. because i honestly don’t think i could make it through a second time. i mean i obviously messaged him last night because i missed him, a lot. but is there any more to it than that?

let’s all just chalk this one up to how much charlie likes to fuck up the somewhat stabilized life that i’ve worked so hard to build.

this is where i leave you.

-charlie

i’m back, finally

hey guys, it’s charlie.

sorry it’s been so long since my last post, a lot has been going on in my life that has literally sucked all my energy.

it’s been my first week back in college, which is exciting, but working 2 jobs this time around has not been fun. safe to say i may have jumped the gun on this a little bit, but i want a better life for myself and i feel like this is the only way to attain it.

i definitely don’t want to work 2 and 3 jobs for the rest of my life. it’s mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting.

aside from all of that fun stuff, my new to me car decided to take a gigantic shit 3 days ago and it’s going to be a pretty costly repair. imagine that. just my luck right? which i am not complaining by any means, i am so blessed to have the things i have, but it just feels like it’s setting me back months fixing one thing after another.

sometimes i feel like i’m the only one going through these things, but i know in reality i’m not. it’s every day life. and for most people it’s probably much worse. it still just knocks you down a couple of rungs, and continues to beat the hell out of you until you either lay down and submit, or rise above the things bringing you down. most days it’s easy enough to get back up and keep grinding, but the last 2 weeks that has definitely not been the case. i’m really struggling y’all. really struggling. i’m fighting so hard to keep myself in this good place i’ve been in, and sometimes i think these things happen to keep me humble and to make me take a step back and really analyze what i could do to really be better.

change is hard, change isn’t something i like. at all. it’s something i’m really working hard to learn to embrace, and i’m getting there, but not as quickly as i’d like to.

i’m really just sitting here waiting for the moment where i make it to the top of the mountain and look down, so i can finally pat myself on the back because i made it. anybody else? or is it just me?

this is where i leave you.

-charlie

today’s for second chances, and we’re here for it

hey guys, it’s charlie.

i hope everyone has had a good day.

i feel like the biggest part of being an actual “adult” is learning when to bite the bullet and just call it what it is. no use in trying to change what already happened, simply owning up and taking responsibility are all that are really left to salvage most situations.

with that being said, things change for a reason. everything isn’t always supposed to go back to how it used to be, that’s how we grow and and how we change. although it can be really scary, and i mean fucking scary sometimes, it’s for our own personal growth.

the worst part about it all is deciding when, if at all, it is appropriate to make the same mistake twice. and i’m not saying this decision should be taken lightly, at all, but i believe all souls are deserving of a second chance.

the only reason i say all this is because recently reconnected with a friend, who at times, wasn’t always the best. i decided to do this because as i said, everyone deserves a second chance. we were best friends since forth grade, up until he married his now ex wife and i understood the circumstances. i say this to give a little backstory to the events following.

our friendship now, is honestly stronger now than it ever was when we were younger. growing up does that sometimes. we have a new level of, what i can only explain as this otherworldly open communication, there is literally nothing we can’t talk about and it’s all judgement free. as an adult, i don’t know that there is any greater gift than just having a friend who understands.

second chances are a real thing, and sometimes they’ll be the best decision you’ll ever make. everyone grows, and everyone changes. so take the leap, the worst that can happen is you learn a lesson.

this is where i leave you.

-charlie

too little, too late

it’s charlie, again.

i hope monday found everyone well.

i wasn’t really sure if i wanted to write today, but i’ve made a promise to myself that i will at least attempt a post every day, and this one has been sitting in my drafts for a hot minute guys. i didn’t think i really wanted to post this, but i want to try to be extremely transparent with my readers and this is very real and something i am dealing with almost daily.

this is a very long story drawn out over many months, so i am doing my best to condense this and hit the more important parts.

i have recently deleted all of my social media and have decided to fly under the radar. i say this because it came as quite a shock to everyone that knows me because i’m always posting pictures of my pets and active on most other platforms. i wasn’t really comfortable giving a reason either because it was so scary to admit to everyone.

i wasn’t careful. i followed and added many people i didn’t know, i ignorantly thought that because we had mutual friends it was safe. it wasn’t. it actually turned quite detrimental, very quickly. there was a person who added me that seemed to be very active as well, and would like, comment, share and retweet almost all of my posts. it was quite flattering at first, until it became possessive. i would have 20-30 messages a day from them, and once i quit responding things escalated even quicker.

they would start showing up at places i frequented, my job, and then eventually my home. i felt so overwhelmed. i felt fearful. i felt like my freedom had been ripped away. how could one person instill so much fear? i didn’t know what to do, i didn’t tell anyone for the longest time for fear of potentially involving them in something that could become really dangerous. i dealt the best i could, doing what i thought was right.

i eventually told my family. they all rallied behind me, supporting and protecting me every step of the way. my parents let me crash on their couch so many nights because i didn’t want to be at home, alone. it was, and still is one of the scariest things that has ever happened to me.

i urge all of you. please. be so careful about who you are interacting with online. especially if you don’t know them.

this is where i leave you.

-charlie

should have called them “why’s”

hey guys, charlie here.

this last weekend went by so quickly. i think i worked more than i slept, which isn’t highly unusual, but monday comes around so quick.

this won’t be a long post, but i wanted to check back in and tell y’all about the things i get myself into from time to time.

so as i stated earlier, i worked a lot this weekend, but that doesn’t mean i didn’t leave myself any room for fun. and quite a few things i really want to kick myself for now.

i never fully understood why people called them “ex’s”, when they really should have been calling them “why’s”. like why in the hell did i do that to myself? why did i think i could fix them? why did i put up with less than i deserved? well people, i’m here to tell you exactly why.

here’s how it goes, my ex messaged me a few weeks back, asking if we could meet up for dinner. i brushed it off for a few weeks right? made up all of the normal excuses i could possibly find. well, what i forgot was, this person knew my in’s and out’s and knew exactly how i would try to get out of this one. so safe to say no wasn’t exactly an answer. i finally hesitantly agreed to meet up after my late shift at the zoo and we could just grab a few drinks. i thought that was safe enough. and boy was i wrong.

can i start out saying this was the most awkward/uncoordinated stumbling through words i have ever tried to manage. it was at that moment, when i knew i made the right decision breaking things off when i did. i forgot just how egotistical and straight up rude they were. it was as if they wanted to meet up so they could check back to make sure i’m still floundering over here, just scrambling to pick up all of the mess they left me in.

all i’m getting at here, is remember you always know what’s best for you. i wish i would have remembered that sooner.

this is where i leave you.

-charlie

fake smiles and faker friends

hey guys, charlie here.

so, for today’s post i’m doing something a little different. i wanted to really dive into something that has definitely been heavy on my mind lately.

some days it is honestly so hard to put on a brave face and fake the smile everyone is expecting. on the flip side, when you spend a day wallowing in your self pity, it gets exhausting trying to explain yourself and your feelings. which is easier? which is better for my state of mind? which will allow me to fall back into myself because i’m the only one that has my best interests at heart at the end of the day?

the reason i bring all of that up is because, recently i’ve had some people who were my “friends” and i don’t use quotes lightly here people, really turn out to be everything they promised they wouldn’t be. real shocker right? not exactly, because i’m the type of person that sees the absolute best in people when they give me every reason not to time and time again. so why am i pouting about it? i shouldn’t be. i literally saw it coming from a mile away, and did nothing to move myself out of the tracks.

the thing that i think is the hardest for me to swallow with the whole situation is that i could never do someone the way they did me. like fuck, it’s not that hard to be loyal.

let me reiterate. IT’S NOT HARD TO NOT BE A PIECE OF SHIT.

i’m honestly not here to whine and cry, i just need to get it out there. and doing so anonymously makes it a lot easier to say what i really truly feel. oddly enough.

with that being said, treat everyone the way you would want to be treated. if you have an issue, talk about it, don’t turn your back. be an adult. use words.

this is where i leave you.

-charlie

two-a-days

hey guys, charlie again.

i hope everyone had a good day.

one thing i forgot to add in my last post was that i work 2 jobs. one at a very large and corporate pharmaceutical company, and the other at our local zoo. to say that i’m always busy is no understatement guys. 7 days a week. every week. sometimes both jobs in one day.

with that being said, lets get into the meat and potatoes of this post y’all. i haven’t really figured out where i want this thing to go, so here goes nothin’ right?

no one has a perfect family, or a perfect life. that’s what i learned at a very, very young age. my family was honestly pretty fucked up, but i suppose everyone’s is in one way or another.

things in my house were pretty rough in my formative years. my parents constantly fought, by constantly i mean daily. it was the best day of my life when they told us they were getting a divorce, i figured it would be the only shot i would have at having a somewhat normal childhood. in growing up in such a small town, it wasn’t long before everyone knew, it was all that was talked about for weeks. all of the kids in my class thought it was the coolest thing since i would be getting 2 birthdays and 2 christmases every year. double the presents=double the dopeness right?

aside from that huge bomb, everything else was pretty run of the mill. i did all of the average things any kid would do, except most times i got to do it twice.

looking back, i guess i grew up to be pretty alright.

this is where i leave you.

-charlie